Finding a consistent pattern in an uncertain time can be the life raft which carries you and your partner to calmer waters. Anything that disrupts the status quo is going to be more challenging to adapt to and it’s in those vulnerable environments that all therapists - couples therapists especially - become invaluable. This can also apply to life changes such as a cross-country move, new job, major purchase, career pivot. Many of us need additional support when adjusting to transitions: the transition from dating to commitment, from casual sex to monogamy, from partners to parents. Couples therapy will be the most efficient option here, as well as the fairest to both you and your partner. You will be able to air your doubts in a safe environment and dissect the underlying reasons for thoughts and feelings. Whether you or your partner are attracted to someone outside your relationship, obsessed with comparing yourselves to other couples, or simply fixated on external distraction to keep you from looking at the issues in front of you - several sessions in couples therapy will save you months of heartache. If you’ve noticed that your eye is starting to wander, it’s likely time to speak to someone. Their job, as a licensed professional, will be to help you dissolve that roadblock as well as identify others you may not have even seen. This is a great time to enter into couples therapy and explain to your therapist that you have been unable to push through a certain roadblock. But with a pair of fresh eyes on the old, tired argument, you may start to see things from a different perspective. You know that if you and your partner don’t change anything, you’ll almost certainly have the same fight again, and again, and again, to infinity and beyond. There are many different terminologies for this situation: a gridlock, a stalemate, but really it’s a perfect opportunity to invite an objective third party into your disagreement. You know the saying if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it? Well, if your relationship is stuck on repeat - it’s broke, and it needs fixing. So while every couple struggles with issues unique to them, there are some common themes that can help you identify the right time to enter into couples therapy: 1. Pushing it off is an attractive option: one of you wants to go more than the other, you struggle with personal stigmas, or perhaps most common, your problems are ‘bad, but not bad enough to warrant therapeutic intervention.’ So the idea gets thrown between two parties like a hot potato until the window for therapy has largely passed, and all that’s left is resentment, distrust, and contempt. When is the right time to go to couples therapy? Do you wait until there’s constant arguing? Until someone issues an ultimatum? Or until you think it’s your best shot at keeping your relationship? Many couples struggle with when to try couples therapy, and sadly, many wait entirely too long.
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